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How are you sexually wired?

How are you sexually wired?

August 18, 2018

Discovering your erotic blueprint

By Nathalie Sommer 

Are you feeling a desire to build your confidence and claim your sexual power? Is your sex life stagnant? Do you or your partner have a mismatched sex drive or perhaps you are both unsure how to experience passion again? Would you like to discover your erotic love language and know how to feed your desire and the desire of your partner?

We are all uniquely sexually wired, and we all have a unique pathway to arousal.

If you have answered yes to any of these questions, you have come to the right place. We are about to go on a journey of sexual discovery, uncovering how you are sexually wired and how you can create deep passion, satisfaction and connection in the bedroom.

Before we get to ‘the juicy’ part, I would like you to know that exploring your sexuality is a lifelong journey, and there are many layers to it, especially when it comes to sex and relationships.

We are all uniquely sexually wired, and we all have a unique pathway to arousal.

Your Core Erotic Blueprint shows how you are erotically wired. Learning how to understand your own desires provides you with compassion and understanding about your own, as well as your partners sexual needs and turn-ons.

It shows you where to go, what to do and what not to do. It is a guide that gives you information about how to take things to the next level, teaching you your erotic love language and how to communicate this compassionately, leading you to a clearer path to pleasure.

Just like a fingerprint, we all have a Core Erotic Blueprint (CEB). Knowing, accepting and expanding your own can open new doors in your relationship with yourself and others.

The thing is, no one really teaches us about sex and intimacy and we are often wired to feel shame and guilt around our sexual desires. It tends to let us stumble around our sexuality awkwardly, where we are hoping to experience ultimate pleasure, but we are unsure how to communicate what we deeply desire.  

Once you have discovered your Erotic Blueprint Type and you understand your map to your own eroticism, it will provide you with the right language to easily communicate with compassion, have tools for troubleshooting and experience a clearer path to pleasure!

THE 5 CORE EROTIC BLUEPRINT TYPES

courtesy @petitsluxures

ENERGETIC: Aroused by anticipation, space and tease. Prefers light or hovering touch, eye contact and emotional connection.

Shadow side: They are very sensitive and need time to assimilate sexual touch; too much too fast turns them off.

SENSUAL: Aroused by having all of their senses engaged. A still mind and a clean, un-chaotic environment is very important; comfort, ambiance, romance and sensory play is very important.

Shadow side: Their biggest turn-off is being stuck in their own head.

SEXUAL: Aroused by straightforward sex, nudity, orgasms, penetration and direct genital contact. Sex is fun and used to relax.

Shadow side: They can get stuck in a limited view of sexuality and can be goal-oriented.

KINKY: Aroused by power dynamics, anything that feels taboo to them, creativity/fantasy in sexual play, and pushing edges.

Shadow: They often have deep shame about their taboo desires.

SHAPESHIFTER: Aroused by everything above, needs variety. Endlessly creative but need a partner who is also equally as adventurous.

Shadow: Sometimes they shift to be what others want them to be instead of owning their own sexuality.

HOW TO DISCOVER WHICH BLUEPRINT TYPE YOU ARE  IN THE BEDROOM:

You may resonate with some of the blueprint types above, but let us go deeper and ask what your body desires. Your body and mind speak two different languages, and often what we may think we like is not necessarily what feels great in the body. It’s time for some exploring and pleasure testing, get ready..

Set some time aside, ideally an hour or two so you can truly explore your erotic persona. Don’t think of work and finish off all the chores (or better yet leave them unfinished!). If you have kids, drop them off at the grandparents or arrange a sleepover somewhere else, or at least make sure the kids are fast asleep. 

To help you discover your EBC and play in your EBC type, you need to create a sensation toy box. If you don't have any toys at home, that's ok! You can also look around your home and in the kitchen, you’d be surprised what you can find there. I personally like a mix of toys, like feathers, silk scarfs, soft cloths, spatula… well, you get the gist. And if you want to try something more kinky, try a leather choker and lead, which can also double up as a gentle whip. 

Once you have created your hot sensation toy box, and you have set some time aside to explore, it is time to play…

courtesy @petitsluxures

Get your partner to lie down and blindfold them. Lay out all the toys so you have a clear view of them, and they can be easily reached. Then, slowly slowly start to test them, each at a time, and work through the different Erotic Blueprints Types. Start off with the ENERGETIC

As you test the sensations and toys, it’s important that you ask your partner which they prefer. They can respond by saying what feels ’arousing’, what’s ‘meh’ or what they ‘don’t like’ at all. When your partner says they find something not arousing, stop immediately, you will know that it is a turn off and not to repeat it.

When you play with the sensation toys, don’t forget to use them on the erogenous zones like the neck, ears, breasts, inner thighs, feet etc.  You will soon discover which body parts of your partners are turn-on zones. Now remember to go slow. If you think you’re going slow, go even one step slower. I want you to really build up the anticipation and arousal

If your partner likes hovering touches, feathers, space, eye gazing and loves the feeling of anticipation, you will know that the ENERGETIC Blueprint is their main blueprint.

If they like the sensation of silky soft toys on their body, sensual massage with long strokes, lots of foreplay and a sacred space that you have both created than you will know they are a SENSUAL.

If they love vibrators, and yearn for direct genital touch straight away, and they are not too fussed about all the sensations and foreplay, you have a SEXUAL that you are playing with.

If they love the spatula, spanking, hair pulling and dirty talk you have a KINKY partner, what terms them on is basically anything to test the limits and what is taboo.

If they just love it ALL, you guessed right, it’s a SHAPESHIFTER!

Sounds hot, right?!

You can also take the quiz together so you discover your EBC before or after the play 

What if you’re single?

If you are single, do not worry, you can blindfold yourself and do the testing on your own body. Not only is it a great way to spice up your self pleasure session, but it will also help you to discover what your body desires, which will make it easier to communicate with your future partners about your needs and wants in the bedroom. 

When it comes to exploring your sexuality, there are no limits and you can get as creative as you like. The great thing is, you really get to discover what you and your partner like, and you can keep on expanding from there.

Bringing it all together

Just think about how often we jump into bed with our lover and give pleasure to them the same way we like to receive it, yet we have no idea what they actually desire or if it actually feels good to them. Because guess what?! What you desire may not be what they desire.

You probably wonder, what if my EBC is different to my lovers? Well, the truth is, it most likely is different and that's completely fine. I’ve not seen many couples that have the same EBC. But now you know which type you both are, you know how to feed each other’s desires.

Have fun exploring!

Nathalie Sommer is a Relationship and Intimacy Coach who works with singles and couples to create healthy and intimate relationships so they can feel confident and empowered in and out of bed.

Over the last 13 years her work as an entrepreneur has been deeply rooted in holistic therapies, personal development and coaching. After doing some exploratory work herself, she realised that both her one-on-one and group coaching clients were coming to her with relationship issues so she completed the sex and relationship certification in Erotic Blueprints.

Want to know more about your Erotic Blueprint? Take the quiz




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